Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire

There’s some very weird news this week.

Prince Harry has proposed to an American divorcee, his family seem happy enough, the tax payer less so. Less than an hour after the announcement the tories slid out some bad news, which was lost in the tide of royalist theorising, who what where and when took up over fifty percent of the evening news. It’s as if we were being distracted.

Trump shares unverified videos of violence, re-tweeting a despicable far right group that purports to be pro British. They have a track record of fake news, which makes the orange cretin’s promotion of them even worse. Boris then weighed in with the usual scripted condemnation, except he accused Trump of doing exactly what Boris himself has built his career on. Ill thought out racist shite, spewed in an attempt to win support. The ageing tangerine gibbon is still visiting though, apparently. Being a racist fuck isn’t bad enough to stop a state visit… I suppose when you’ve been on a trip to the Middle East to sell some weapons to a murderous regime, so they can kill women and children in another Middle East country, it would be difficult to take the moral high ground.

The vice chancellor of Bath uni is on a fuck ton of cash. And? You can’t crow about glass ceilings and equal pay, and then whine like a fucking three-year-old when you find out a woman is on more money than you. Come on! Her qualifications would suggest she’s worked fucking hard to get to where she is… and the expectation she would turn down a contract because it was too much money is just fucking bizarre. We should be cheering. Blaming her for higher tuition fees is fuckwittery of the highest order. Vote labour if you want to abolish fees, and that vote will also, ironically, help more women earn more.

Emily Thornberry and Damian Green stood in for their respective leaders in PMQs. It was a vision of a future PM skilfully dealing with an alleged porn fiend. He was no match for her wit or insight. Both our women PMs have been tories, one was an evil fucking bitch, the second is about as much use as a “good guy” with a gun. Let’s face it, she’s only still in office because no one else wants to be blamed for the imminent cluster fuck that is Brexit. I would very much like to see Jez win the next election, then wen he retires, a woman Labour PM would be very nice. I’m pretty sure that fat old satsuma in the White House wouldn’t get away with his hate-filled, racist, misogyny.

Stirring my brandy with a nail

Get ready for tax dodging millionaires to bully you into giving money for children… children the government should be looking after. In twenty first century Britain we have kids going hungry, but the government, instead of carrying out their duty, cut funding to public services even more.

The whole fucking charade is televised by a corporation that turned a blind eye to rampant paedophillia for decades.

Lastly through a hogshead of real fire

Television has an innate ability to wind me up, with the exception of less than a handful of programs, most of it boils my piss. But… Blue Planet 2 makes it all worthwhile. It’s outstanding, it’s entertaining, educational, stunningly beautiful, and expertly narrated. Sir David Attenborough has probably taught me more than any other person, and he still manages to enthral after all these years. A TV program that I look forward to… who’d have thunk it?

George Lucas has sold my childhood, they’re selling fucking razors…. like a Jedi has to shave, they just decide not to grow a beard until they become a hermit…. soulless, greedy fucking mouse… ruiners of everything, sucking Satan’s cock for just another dollar…

I’m done, if you think I’m paying to see your shit movie you can think again, I’m going to steal a shit cam version, then I’m going to steal a slightly better one, and keep stealing it till I get the 4k, editor’s cut, 20th anniversary edition…. you fucks!

The media are all teary-eyed about Italy not qualifying for the WC. They’ve bored everyone into submission for years, they weren’t good enough to qualify so they won’t be a “big miss” to the tournament. You’ll forgive me if I don’t have any sympathy for multi millionaires crying on telly.

And kill processed fish

So, we’ve apparently got world kindness day coming up… do we really have to have a day to be nice to people? Does it also mean we can be a cunt to everyone for the other 363 days? It’s a sign of the times when someone saving a dog, or a few ducklings, goes viral on Facebook. How about this… we all just be nice to other people, it costs nothing and it makes you feel good.

Carry on.

Ain’t no good thing ever dies…

When I was younger I didn’t wear a poppy, even though I was in the ATC and marched on Remembrance Sunday. I wore a white ribbon, I wore it all year round on my coat. I am, and always have been against war. I didn’t get into any arguments or discussions about why I didn’t wear a poppy, and no one ever challenged my ribbon. As I got older and more cynical about our country’s foreign policy, and read books by Pilger, Chomsky, and Monbiot et al, I realised a few things.

1. You don’t have to be pro war to remember the sacrifice that others have made in the past, for things they believed in.

2. The poppy and the ribbon are not mutually exclusive.

3. If you’re anti war you don’t have to wear a white ribbon.

An act of remembrance, however you do it, is a more effective way to prevent future wars, it galvanises us to lobby and vote in certain ways, to write to our MPs, to educate others and enter in discussion and argue our case.

What prompted this post was the increasing passive aggressive bullying that goes on in the realms of social media to wear a poppy. The argument goes that if you don’t wear one you’re somehow disrespecting our armed forces. I don’t accept this. We remember those who died in conflict, those that died to ensure we remained free. A big part of that freedom is the right to choose how and when to remember.

The most annoying aspect of this is blind shares and likes of right wing groups that have co opted the poppy to further their racist views. We’re in danger of applying the same racist connotations to the poppy that we have to the George Cross.

One of my relatives was an engineer, and instrumental in building the Spitfire. Tracy’s grandad carried his commanding officer through the jungles of Burma, saving his life. We both have good reason to remember that, and it doesn’t just happen on the 11th of November, it can happen on a warm spring morning when something on the news flashes an image in your head, or a throw away comment, a passage in a book…. Anything, at any time. We remember.

I wear a poppy, but I would never question anyone who doesn’t.

Cut a little swathe and lead the people on

The Panama papers have morphed into the Paradise papers, just when the snowball of the Westminster sex scandal was about to threaten the slim Tory majority. Look, the queen dislikes poor people… seriously? Put something on the news we didn’t know. Tax avoidance is legal, these loopholes allow accountants to get the best deal they can for their clients. It’s up to governments to close the holes and ensure big earners who use our infrastructure, pay their share for its upkeep. At a time when we have failing and chronically under-funded public services, we need their contribution more than ever.

As much as it boils my piss, it’s perfectly legal for the queen to invest in a company that preys on low income families with poor credit histories. Vile fucking carpet bagger that she is, cap in hand to the fawning tories for three hundred million to renovate their palace, while the most needy in our society pay obscene interest rates for a new telly. Now, I know there’s an argument that says “if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it”, but can you really say it’s a rule you have stuck to all your life? I know I haven’t… you make mistakes when you’re young and foolish, we all have… as you get older you realise you can’t do it… well most of us do anyway. Brighthouse, and Crazy George before them, tap into a huge market of instant gratification, can’t be arsed saving for it mentality. Not a coincidence that it was Thatcher who created that philosophy thirty years ago.

I personally don’t think the sex scandal will go away, but a few days of misdirection might help our hapless leader find an angle, create a little breathing space, blackmail a few ministers, schmooze a couple of editors, write a script for Laura Kuenssberg, deflect some of the shitstorm on the other parties… it’s a long shot, but it just might work. Oh, and it wouldn’t harm the cause if Boris put his foot in it with Iranians again… have we got a scapegoat anywhere? Well, there’s a woman in jail….

I’m not falling for their shenanigans.

Too marvelous for words…

Ring ring…. Ring ri…


Tommy, it’s Simon.

Hello mate, what’s up?

Can you sing the song for us?

You’re fucking kidding? Once or twice a season’s ok, but every fucking week? You’re taking liberties.



Tommy? Tommy?

Oh well… Ohhh I’ve never felt more like singing the blues…..